For Men

Domestic Violence Against Men

How to Know if You’re a Victim of Domestic Violence

Women and children are not the only ones subjected to domestic violence. Men can be victims of domestic violence as well.

The one defining characteristic of most abused men is that they are extremely embarrassed by their predicament. Most men who want to reach out are scared of being laughed at or scorned. They don’t want to be portrayed as weak and cowardly. This is simply not true. All types of men are subject to the same types of abuse as women, including physical abuse. These abuses range from a slap in the face to a kitchen knife being plunged into a husband’s stomach while sleeping to being run down by his wife who was driving the family vehicle. Men also report emotional and sexual abuse, including threats and insults, withholding money, controlling personal activities, attempts to change him, unwanted sexual touching, forced sexual activity and sexual degradation.

There are signs that the men are victims of domestic violence and they are much, much similar to the signs of domestic violence against women. Here are just some of these signs (for purposes of clarity, we have placed the woman as the abuser, the signs are very much applicable to women-victims):

  • The woman calls the man bad names, insults him (publicly or privately) and tries to put him down every chance she has.
  • The woman tries to stop the man from going to work or to public places. She also tries to prevent him from seeing his family members and friends.
  • The woman is possessive and / or jealous and she tries to control her man in terms of the clothes he will wear, the money he will spend and the places he can go to.
  • The woman threatens the man with violence and harm, particularly when she is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
  • The woman actually hits or hurts the man by kicking, punching, slapping, shoving or choking him. Or the woman may do the same thing to their children or pets.
  • The woman takes advantage of the man sleeping or resting and assaults him when he is in no position to defend himself.
  • The woman threatens to leave the man and to take their children with her if he will attempt to go against her or to fight back.
  • Despite all of the above, the woman blames the man for her behavior!

Here are some things you can do if you experience violence in your home:

  1. Tell friends you trust. Talk to another man if possible.
  2. Make safety arrangements such as organizing a safe place to go, changing your phone number and locks.
  3. Call DVSAC’s 24hr crisis line or the national hotline and talk to a worker. Find out your legal rights.
  4. DVSAC: 530.272.3467  NATIONAL HOTLINE: (800) 799-SAFE
  5. Have witnesses when possible. Take notes of all she does.
  6. Protect the kids! Women who abuse men more often than not abuse the children too. Call 911.